Married at the age of twenty.

Divorced at the age of forty.

Not the vision I had for my life.

Living my future minus my wife.

Not the destiny I dreamed for my family.

Not the example my parents have set.

I am Such a disappointment to myself.

How can I justify this?

Who can explain this situation to me?.

HOW DID I GET “HERE”!???

Honestly, this road has been an unexpected trip that I could never imagine  myself having to embark upon.  The left turn that occurred in my relationship while the momentum had me  heading in a rightmost trajectory, threw EVERYTHING off kilter.  It sucks.  I am a family man by design.  I am a family man BY CHOICE!  I lack the desire to disrespect and use women.  And yet, I still find myself HERE!  Single.  Fearful.  Without a signficant lover and companion.  Without a wife. Adjusting to a different life….a different lifestyle…the single life.  The one consolation that I have found is the renewed opportunity to still express love.  I am in love with my Pops.  I am in love with my Moms.  I am in love with my oldest daughter.  I am in love with my only blood-son.  I am in love with my babygirl!  I RETAIN THE ABILITY TO LOVE!  That is a gift that I don’t take for granted.   Thank GOD for A HEART to SHOW LOVE!

While “HERE” is the place of the unexpected destiny of my past, I must convince myself that there is a reason for it.  I must parlay the experience of pain and disappointment into the catalyst for increased power and promise. I MUST not get stuck in my “HERE”!  I must find a way to get beyond my alphabetic fears!

The fear of “T” – TRUST.

The fear of “R” – REJECTION.

The fear of “I” – ISOLATION.

The fear of “C” – COMITTMENT.

The fear of “K “ – KINETIC INTIMACY.

I must be WILLING to BREAK FREE from the Bonds of THE devil’s TRICK…. and enjoy the TREAT that is The LOVE of GOD!

I got “HERE” because of choices that were made.  Some choices were made by me.  Some choices were made by someone else.  I OWN MY CHOICES!  Grace  has covered my choices of convenience.  Grace has covered my choices of rebellion.  Grace has covered my choices of frustration.  Grace has covered my choices of fear.  Grace has covered my choices of pride.  Grace has covered my choices of SIN.  GRACE COVERED ME while I was “THERE”…..and… GRACE COVERS ME WHILE I AM “HERE”!!

So, now I choose NOT TO WRESTLE against my “HERE”…but… embrace it as part of what is purposed for me.  It is an uncomfortable place.  At times, it is a lonely place.  Undoubtedly, it is an inconvenient place.  However, IT IS THE PLACE where HE continues to KEEP ME SAFE from all HARM!  In the palm of HIS hand…I  HAVE FOUND SAFETY!  Ultimately, “HERE” is where my peace shall dwell.

HOW DID I GET HERE?  At this point, It doesn’t even really matter…. I WOULD RATHER BE NOWHERE ELSE…but right “HERE”!!!

StevieD has submitted this #BASICTRUTH 17-FEB-2012 10:36pm